are my words worth a fight?

I had no courage growing up.

 As a teenager, I had no ability to voice my opinion on anything without being hit. If I sat in the car with my Vietnam Veteran, schizophrenic brother, I would even get hit for being silent.

 In 2008 Facebook was created. It was the same year Obama won election. I didn’t vote for Obama. However, I never, ever, said one derogatory thing about him. I know humiliation. When Facebook friends or family made disparaging remarks (never about his color, only his decisions), I chastised them. Facebook emboldened me. I finally had the power to speak my mind, and no one would hit me, physically, that is. So, I began to carry a mental butcher knife, like the real one my brother had chased me down the street in the middle of the night, trying to kill me.

One day, in the early FB years, I thought my opinions mattered, and got into a heated non-political discussion with a family member. Although, my facts were correct, I bullied. I became the very human I feared. It happened again, and again. Oh Facebook, the floodgates were opened for people like me, who never had a voice, or, the courage to speak.

Therein began the separation of human grace. It didn’t matter that I carried empathy in my heart, GRACE was missing. Yes, it’s possible to have one without the other.

Throughout the years, I began to see the destruction that I, like many on Facebook, had created. Our opinions, valid or not, were meant to show our strength and wisdom, when in fact, it showed arrogance.

2016 hit us like a Cat 5 hurricane. Let’s call it Hurricane Trump. Like him, or not, we have lived a tumultuous four years. The media and DNC attacked him with vile lies. Lots of lies, and nobody bothered to fact check them, so they must be true, but many were not. Trump lied too, and he was disrespectful. When he made the comment about John McCain, I wanted to rip out his throat. You don’t say those things to Vietnam Veterans, especially, one who stayed in a POW camp, broken and tortured, when he could have gone home, because of his influential father. Do you know why he stayed and endured torture that you and I cannot even comprehend? He didn’t want to leave his POW mates. Honestly, that alone humbles me. Trump made fun of the disabled, and there’s no way to spin it.  Not very presidential.

The sad part is that Trump has gotten some things done, that the public never sees. Good things for the country that he genuinely cares about. Why don’t we see them? Because he waves his tweets like a rusted butcher knife, handing them off daily to the media. Each one gutting the other, until they’re dead, only to be revived the next day. Who is left behind to clean up the daily mess? You and me. I am exhausted. I am not going to talk about the election in November. That ship has sailed. Believe what you will. My prayer is that you believe nothing, until you fact check everything.

One more thing. The attacks against each other continue.

Christian Liberals attack the Christian Conservatives (can you believe it?), and when I responded with the question that I thought we were on the same team, I was attacked, and felt I was being chased again with a large butcher knife. Only this time, it was from Christians. My sin: I questioned. When an Evangelical meme was made fun of, again, by a Christian, I thought we were on the same team. Only this time, I wasn’t nice, and flashed my knife. I took off running because I forgot about GRACE.

I’ve stopped running now. It doesn’t matter how factual my posts are, regarding this election (I fact check all sides as best I can). You see, the people who know me, know my heart. So, when we have a lively discussion regarding the current political situation, we kiss and make up at the end of the conversation. Bottom line: our friendship is more important than politics. When, I was told I don’t understand and should be more sensitive (yesterday’s post), I cried, because some are not willing to kiss and make up. Not one word has been written about the disrespectful memes I described, but I don’t get a pass because I’m on the other team (actually, an Independent). In the Facebook post, I stated that “I was disappointed that black liberals were so disrespectful toward black conservatives”. I should have shown more grace in the continued wording, but it was too late. The post turned into something completely different. Our country is polarized. This is not a Right issue or Left issue. It’s a human issue. It’s a heart issue. Most importantly, it’s a GOD issue…or lack of.

Social media is what we make it. There is A LOT of beauty. Catching up with old friends, commenting on vacation photos, and praying for those who need help. However, be careful, social media also has an agenda, and right now, it’s very one-sided. That is the importance of fact checking. If you Google something, you’ll have to research a dozen negatives in order to locate a positive. That positive may be the truth. Research more, because the very issues that make you angry, may be false. Try this: antifa.com. See if it’s true or false. I honestly don’t know, but I should.

The trauma I endured, lasted for years with little parental help (sort of like FB, except I couldn’t delete). I understand PTSD because it still lingers over 50 years later. The pain of bruised eyes; cut lips; bloody scalp from hair being pulled out; choked numerous times; dropped off in a field, beaten and left behind; seeing one cat hanging from a rod, and another being drowned in the toilet (both lived when I got to them); those traumas are all real. I understand aggression and fear, but I will never see myself as a victim, only one who is still a work in progress. I understand that GRACE is what we all need, and my goal is to breathe it in, with no hesitation. Just like air. Breathe in, breathe out.